Boundary Ambivalence

As you can probably guess, boundary ambivalence is a huge problem for many people. Boundary ambivalence is what it's called when you set a boundary but don't enforce it. This tells the other person that you're not really serious about respecting yourself and they don't have to be serious about respecting you, either. When you say, "If you cheat on me again, I'm leaving you" but you stay in the relationship when they cheat on you again, you have shown your partner that you don't really mean what you say and that you are not to be taken seriously. You are essentially saying, "I don't respect myself and you have permission to treat me as disrespectfully as I treat myself." People only treat us the way we allow them to treat us. If you don't respect yourself, no one else will respect you, either.

Boundary ambivalence is often caused by fear or guilt. You may be afraid that others will get angry at you, not like you anymore or you may feel guilty. This can be exacerbated by the fact that people in your life may react in these ways when they are told no. But remember, it's OK if people get angry. It's not your responsibility to fix their problems, fulfill their needs or make them feel better. Your responsibility is to take care of yourself. Someone being mad at you or being inconvenienced does not change that. It's also not up to other people to make sure you are taken care of, or that you don't get taken advantage of. That is your responsibility.