It is not my job to fix others. This is a big one and it's very important. It's often a natural inclination to help others, especially when they don't seem able to help themselves. However, it's important to learn that it is not your responsibility to fix other people. It's not your job to make anyone a better person. Anyone (including yourself) who tries to put this responsibility on you in any way is violating this boundary.

It is OK if others get angry. Fear of other people getting angry is often one of the main motivations behind people-pleasing behaviors or what's called boundary ambivalence. But it's OK if people get angry. They are entitled to their emotions. The most important thing to remember is that other people's anger is not your responsibility. It's not your problem. It's OK if they get angry. This doesn't mean anything about you as a person and it is not the end of the world.

It's OK to say "No." Many, many people have issues with saying no. They may be afraid or feel guilty. It's important to understand that you are just as important as everybody else and it's OK to refuse to do something - for any reason. It's OK to protect your energy, your emotions, your space and anything else. You deserve it. Nobody has the right to try and manipulate, bully, convince or guilt you out of it and anyone who tries is not respecting you. Practicing boundaries will help you internalize and believe that, even if you don't feel it yet.

It's not my job to take responsibility for others. This means exactly what it says. You are not responsible for other people's thoughts, feelings or actions. If you can't control others - and you can't - how can you be responsible for these things? For example, if your partner is abusive and you throw them out of the house but they have nowhere to go, that's their responsibility. It isn't yours. Your responsibility is to keep yourself safe. If someone needs a ride to work and you can't take them, it's their responsibility to get themselves to work. You are not responsible for other people. Anyone (including you) who tries to say you are is violating your boundaries.

I don't have to anticipate the needs of others. Anytime someone says things like "You should have known how I'd feel, what I need, what I want, how to make me happy... and done it," they are violating this boundary. You don't have to anticipate a person's needs. They need to fulfill their needs themselves. It isn't your responsibility to fulfill the needs of another adult and you cannot MAKE another person happy. They have to choose happiness for themselves.

It is my job to make myself happy. Just like you can't make another person happy, they can't make you happy either. You are in control of your life. If you are relying on others to make you happy, your boundaries are not strong and you are vulnerable. You are also setting yourself for disappointment. Other people are not responsible for your happiness. You are.

Nobody has to agree with me. It's OK if people disagree with you, your opinions, your actions or your thoughts. No one is required to agree with you or validate you, just like you're not required to do these things for other people. You don't need to defend, justify or explain any of these things. It's not necessary. It's OK to do things that other people don't agree with. It's your life. They'll get over it. And if they don't, then maybe their respect for you was based not on you as a person but on whether or not they could control you.

I have a right to my own feelings. Your feelings are no more or less important than anyone else. You have the right to feel any way you want about anything you want. Period. No one has the right to shame you for them, argue with them, dispute them or try to talk you out of them. Your feelings should be respected - by you and everyone in your life.

I am enough. Period. Who you are, what you are and how you are is enough. There is always room for improvement, but as a human being, your worth is intrinsic. It is not determined by how much others value you. Ever.

As you can see, boundaries are not for controlling other people. They really have nothing to do with other people. They are about you respecting yourself and requiring other people to do the same. It's important to remember that boundaries also work the same vice-versa: it is not my job to fix others, it is not the job of others to fix me, etc. Some of these things, such as taking responsibility for others or anticipating their needs, not only violate your boundaries, but also violate the boundaries of others. We are all responsible for our own thoughts, feelings and actions.